My mom is emotional. She cries easily. She cries watching sad movies. She cries reading sad novels. She cries hearing about anyone being sick or experiencing pain — physically or mentally. She cried at the DMV one time in front of everyone when the officer refused to renew her driver license because her vision has degraded to be no longer 20/20 — she couldn’t deal with the thought of taking more time off from work.
My mom works at a nail salon, more than 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. Has been for as long as I can remember. The only days she took off from work had been for our graduations.
My mom is not good at making as much money as she could. She doesn’t speak a lot of English. And in a business where you get paid per jobs done instead of time worked; she isn’t very efficient. She takes her time, being meticulous and giving the customers their money worth, and always ends up having a few turns less than other people.
And yet, my mom is the strongest and biggest person I have in my life.
She single-handedly provided for my sister and me when we were growing up, even through college, graduate and professional schools. She sends money and care packages back to our extended family in Vietnam often. She donates a lot of money to charity. These donations have gone as far back as the time Tina and I couldn’t make any money and our family was so poor most of our meals consisted of fried eggs and canned food from Family Dollar. At every service-oriented place we go to, she tips people as if we are millionaires. In her mind, we made it to America; we are privileged and should give back.
My mom was never around much when we were growing up. But even without the handholding, she taught us so many things. These are the things I learned from my mom without her saying a single word:
1. Being able to do what we love and follow our dream is a privilege. My sister and I are privileged. It is a privilege we didn’t earn; it was made available to us by the sacrifices of those who come before.
2. Even when what we have to do to make ends meet is not what we grew up dreaming about, we should still do it with dignity and integrity.
3. The minimum amount of money we need to live a meaningful life is not much at all. And no matter how little we have, there is always some to give.
4. The greatest motivation to work hard is love — not fame, not wealth, not power. We work hard and try to do well because then we are in a better position to take care of those we love.
5. Love takes many forms. Sometimes it involves not being to spend so much time together.
6. The best way to teach our kids values is to live them.